Why Do We Bench? Unpacking the Modern Dating Behavior in London
As if ghosting wasn’t enough to contend with, another modern dating phenomenon has taken root in London‘s bustling social scene: benching. Unlike ghosting, which is a complete cut-off, benching keeps you on the sidelines, maintaining just enough contact to prevent you from moving on. It’s a frustrating, confusing cycle that leaves many feeling like a backup option in a game they didn’t even know they were playing according to https://techplanet.today/.
Benching reflects a unique modern dynamic where one person maintains sporadic contact while keeping another on the sidelines as a backup option. A 2023 Match.com study found that a staggering 62% of London singles reported feeling like they were benched at some point during their dating life, highlighting just how widespread this behavior has become according to https://techduffer.com/.
So, why do people engage in this behavior? The reasons are complex and often rooted in fear and insecurity. Some daters bench someone when they’re unsure of their feelings or when they simply like the comfort of having a backup option available. The fear of commitment is a powerful motivator. In a city like London, with a seemingly endless pool of potential partners, it’s easy to fall into the trap of “keeping your options open.” The mentality shifts from seeking a genuine connection to collecting possibilities, almost as if dating has become a game of “keep my options open.”
Benching serves to satisfy immediate emotional needs without the responsibility of a genuine relationship. It allows individuals to indulge in the luxury of choice without having to make a difficult decision. This behavior is often selfish, as the person doing the benching often overlooks the emotional impact their actions have on others.
Tom, a 34-year-old designer, shared a common sentiment: “I realized I was being benched when he only texted when he was bored or lonely.” This realization is a moment of clarity for many—the painful understanding that they are merely filling an emotional void for someone else, not being seen as a person of value.